In honor of Schnitz's Christmas Ticket today, I'd like to name Wisconsin's top ten offenses for the 10th day till Christmas.

10. Time Warner Cable: anyone and everyone who has ever had it has a story to tell you about why TWC sucks.  They're over priced, they have the worst commercials, and there's nothing more frustrating than  seeing "boot" on your box for 15 min after you try to restart.

9.  The Boston Store:  If you've ever been on your way into Macy's or Nordstrom's, gotten there and all you can see are racks and racks of Baby Phat, FUBU, Rocawear, and Timberlands you are in the Boston Store.  Leave.  You will not find anything race appropriate.

8.  Highway speed limits:  I just don't like driving 55 and being over the speed limit.

7.  Sconnie-isms: here are a few of my faves that make me giggle every time I hear them...

• Bubblers-a sconnie drinking fountain named after the sound it makes, making it easier for the simple minded, 
• Up North -pronounced "Up Nort", where sconnies go for vacation, fishing, or hunting, confusing many a non-sconnie, up north can be reached by traveling East or West) 
• Tyme Machines- I really don't know why ATM's are referred to as Time machines, but when my freshman year roommate told me she was going to the time machine and asked if I wanted to come I must have gave her quite the look...
• DEER HUNTING-The Wisconsin version of Marti Gras. Each November, thousands of male residents go up north to drink a brewski and bag a bambi.
• FIBS-stands for Fu**ing Illinois (in my case Iowan) Bastards - those people "south of the border" who drive like wild maniacs -ahem Schnitz-, toll free all the way to the Dells)
• IMPORTED BEER-any variety of brewski that is not produced in Milwaukee..when you ask for an imported beer in a Milwaukee bar, you'll probably get a Coors.

6.  Schnitz' ticket, and all other exchanges with municipal workers - Officer Spencer, The Motorcycle brigades, Public Safety, and Meter Maids have all gotten the best of me at one time or another.  They got the best of Schnitz today while on her way to work, I feel ya girl.  And they nailed you because your a FIB! (see #7)

5.  The Pack Attack- I guess I don't really have anything against the Packers, but I just think that any sports team who asks their fans to wear cheese on their heads to intimidate competition is silly.  Also I love the two word saying that is easy enough any scon can remember: GO PACK GO!


4.  High crack addicts/bums per capita- I can't really say this about Wisconsin as a whole, mostly just Milwaukee, and particularly the area where most of us got our first 4 years of Wisconsin exposure, around the MU campus, where we all know the entire population is composed of Marquette students, and bums.  If it's not one, its the other.

3. Parking tickets - This city loves nailing you for parking anywhere and anywhere they can think of a reason that you shouldn't be parked there and NOTHING ruins my day faster than going out to my car, and finding that ticket tucked under my windshield wipers.  If I were a person of vengeance, the meter maids would be top of my list.  Don't believe me?  According to the city of Milwaukee's most recent annual report that is online, in 2006 over $20,500,000 was collected in parking violations alone...not counting towing, parking passes, ect... Milwaukee: find a better source of income!



2. The weather - So cold, so much of the year.  No wonder the 4 weeks of summer are the best time of every sconnie's life!  You NEED to celebrate when the temp reaches above 35 degrees!!  And the wind is bruuutal!  Who remembers that crazy wind tunnel as you walked into McCormick, trying to round that corner and make it inside the building was almost impossible some days!

1. The year round signature scent of Milwaukee - You know what I'm talking about.  My sister was nauseous the whole time she was here once becuase the smell was nonstop.  It's that beautiful and unique blend of burning cow hair, yeast, and factory fumes wafting around the city that will always bring you back to Milwaukee if you smelled it anywhere else....ahhh fresh sconnie air.




Authors note:
I just realized that the 12 days of Christmas is not a countdown, and I shouldn't have done it backwards.  So much for my clever idea to use the 12 days of Christmas.  Lol it's also less cool because I'm not going in any sort of theme for this whole chain of posts.  But stopping now would mean admitting defeat and I'm not about to do that.  This seams very fitting for my life lately.